A Girls Honesty

Today, I saw a quote that reads, “You will be free once you realize the cage is made of thoughts,” and it couldn’t be further from the truth. I know many women fall victim to their thoughts when they’re on their periods, and for me, I feel like that’s when the devil knows to attack my mind. I cannot shut off my brain of lousy thoughts. I can’t seem to let go of things that are out of my control and that I just want to give to God. Outside of my period, I am very good at controlling my emotions and not allowing my thoughts to consume me, but when I am on my period, I cannot shut off my brain.

Lately, the topic of my irregularity is how unhappy I am with my partner, John. And before we speculate, when I am on my period, nothing he does is right. Everything he does can be done better. Not only that, but I will ice him out because I am convinced he is at fault. And what is unfair about this is that a few things. For starters, being cold to him without him knowing why I am upset is unkind. Secondly, I needed to communicate that I was struggling emotionally. This seems logical. Well, when I am on my period, these thoughts don’t seem logical. They seem wrong.

I cannot escape the cycle of pointing fingers and not seeing my flaws. Frankly, I am getting tired of it. Those thoughts hinder my ability to concentrate and think clearly about other important matters like school and God. Thoughts about John are not the only thoughts that cloud my judgment. Sometimes, it’s just me being hard on myself. Sometimes, you just get stuck on something and can’t seem to let go.

Now that my period is about to end, my emotions are recalculating (if that term makes sense), and I feel like myself again. I am not angry with John. I have communicated things that were bothering me in the past. I am just getting tired of being stuck on topics that don’t serve me.

I think the worst part about these emotions is how real they feel. I do not feel that insanity outside my period; I only feel it during my cycle. One trick my sister told me was to remind myself that anytime I am on my period and it is evident my emotions are wild, I should remind myself that those emotions are not real. Because a lot of them are not. But this past time, I kept forgetting to tell myself because of how REAL they felt.

Ugh, I’m just a girl…