A Girls Honesty

I want to talk about something controversial. And if this is not a topic you want to read about or agree with, I ask that you are kind and no mean words are said.

This past week, I was having a conversation with a really good friend of mine. She is someone who I run to with my problems because she is so knowledgeable. She is a Christian like me, and her advice is usually unbiased; she makes sure any encounter is seen from all perspectives. However, this wasn’t the case this last week. Growing up, I always believed love is love. There were times when I met women I was very much attracted to. Now in my mid-twenties, I have never dated a girl. However, before my current relationship, I was very open to having a relationship with a girl if the situation ever presented itself. It did not. I have found someone who I genuinely love being around. He is kind and embodies what a man in your life is supposed to be. He is an emotionally stable provider, and I can be the queen of our relationship. In my previous relationships, I could not say the same. I always felt like I was missing out on life. I wanted to go out and experiment with other people. I am not saying I wanted to go out to be a hoe, but I wanted to go on dates, encounter new people, and do new things. I wanted to see if I could find a girlfriend. And even though I was open to women, nothing ever happened with a girl.

If my current relationship were to end, I would close that chapter of curiosity because I like what it feels like to have a real man by my side. Growing up, I didn’t have a father, and the men who would come and go in my mother’s life were terrible. So now, with all that backstory, let’s get into my encounter with my close friend.
My friend is a woman married to a woman, and she knows that I very much believe love is love. In one of our recent conversations, the topic of if my partner and I wouldn’t make it, would I then look for a woman. And my answer was simple. No. Not because I see anything wrong with gay love but because I am no longer curious. Not to say that being gay is a choice or a lifestyle, but simply that I don’t have those emotions and thoughts anymore. I found someone where I like a man’s role in my relationship. Part of getting to know who you are is getting into situations where you see if you do or do not like something. Understandable? I thought it was, but apparently, I struck a huge nerve. To her, I was speaking out of a place of judgment. That I was being “judgy” to people who are gay, that my tone of voice was judgemental, basically that I wasn’t better than someone who wasn’t gay. Now, I remember this conversation vividly, and never did I say nor insinuate that being gay was wrong in any way. Nor did I say I was better than people who were gay. I was simply answering a question where I thought I could be honest and tell my friend that that part of me wasn’t there anymore. I had been in a relationship where I was always wondering if the grass was greener elsewhere, and for me, it was. The person I was with was not my person, but I was always open to who would come after him. And it just so happened that it was a good, strong man.

The title of my post is when do you know when you’re out growing a friend. And my answer to you and to many is when that friend no longer accepts who you are becoming because they are so comfortable with who you were.

This person is still in my life because, more often than not, she is a good friend who picks me up when I’m down. I know she gives advice based on her experiences, and our opinions may change, but I have also accepted who she is as a person.